Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
