I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
