I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
