You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
