I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
