so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
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I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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