:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
