ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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