How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
