Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
