READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
