Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
