She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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