Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
