Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
