So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
