Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
