Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
