Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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