He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
