when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
