My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
