my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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