rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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