make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
In America we eat man semen.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
