Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
only you would photoshop your dick
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
