The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
