i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
