Can i not drive my cunt home
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
