The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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