..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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