I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
