the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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