I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
