I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
