Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
