I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
