Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
