Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Actions speak louder than pants.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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