Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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