Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
