Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
