Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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