She announced her abortion via fbk
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
