Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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