Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
