the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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