P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
