the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
