i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I need a beard to bite.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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