I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
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If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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