i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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