whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
