Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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