guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
pray to the hookup gods
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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