Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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