you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
