Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Everyone says I win the strip club
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