it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
