I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
