how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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