you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize