I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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