I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
