I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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