East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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