Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
