Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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