A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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